Narcissistic Abuse & Love Bombing: Spot the Warning Signs
Love Bombing: Spot the Early Signs
Narcissists are famous for their love bombing tactics. Everything is over the top, perfect, and it feels like the best feeling in the world. They shower you with excessive gifts praise, compliments, admiration and intense declarations of love… often calling you’re their “soul mate”. They will often make strong declarations of love claiming they have never experienced a real love like this before, calling you repeatedly to tell you they love you and miss you, and sometimes leaving you love notes everywhere as constant reminders of them and reminders of how wonderful they are. They often will come up with quick nick names like “honey bunny”, “my love”, “my soulmate” for you to make you feel like your existence is finally validated. They are often quick to tell you they love you, quickly making things official to the world so they can quickly “claim” you as theirs. They quickly introduce you to family, their children if they have any and friends. They want to move in together quickly and planning your futures together. It feels as though you have so many things in common, share the same ideas, values and beliefs. This strategy is to “mirror” you so that you believe you have finally met “the one”.
While initially these gestures can feel wonderful and amazing, the do not last forever and the intense love bombing is the beginning stage of the narcissists playbook. It’s very easy to get swept up in these gestures of affection as we finally feel as though we are “seen”, that we are “special” and that we have finally found someone truly incredible who made it worth the wait and made all the pain worth it. It feels like a huge sigh of relief that we have finally met “the one”. You are seen and you are heard. They will go over the top for birthdays, anniversaries, but also on “random” days because they want you to believe that every single day with you is special and amazing. Everything is over the top filled with proclamations of love and telling you how they have never felt a love like this before because all of their ex’s are “crazy” and no one has ever made them feel this way. These are all of their strategies. It may not seem like a strategy because it feels so “real”, but because they have a history of these repeated patterns, it can be easily mistaken for feeling rea;, unrehearsed and genuine.
The love bombing stage can last anywhere from a few months to even 3-4 years and can be difficult to notice when things start to change as it is very gradual. Many women who are survivors of narcissistic abuse explain it like the story of the frog in the boiling pot that slowly has the heat turned up gradually over time. While this beginning state can feel incredible, amazing and often feels like “the real deal”, the Narcissist guru Dr. Ramani has stated that unfortunately, you are not the first person for this narcissist to have come across. They have a history of these behaviours and often repeat these behaviours from one supply to another because the narcissist cannot be alone; they NEED to be with someone who constantly admires them, gives them constant admiration, affection and meeting their needs. They NEED to be needed.
Narcissists carefully plan out their next supply prior to discarding their current supply. They look for individuals who are kind, caring, natural caregivers, those who have experienced previous trauma, are vulnerable and often single mothers because these women demonstrate they can take care of others. They need to make sure you are “locked in fully” before they discard their other supply which is why many often have a history of being unfaithful. It’s all about supply and demand.
If any of these signs are feeling somewhat familiar, know that you are not alone. As Dr. Ramani says “it’s NOT you”. Narcissists are just very skilled at what they do, and they are well versed in how to target and identify their next supply. If any of these are sounding familiar, become educated and find supports. One excellent resource that many women and survivors of narcissistic abuse and those questioning if it is love bombing have found Dr. Ramani and her books useful. One helpful resource is her book called “It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People”.
Stay tuned for our next blog where one survivor shares their personal experience with narcissistic abuse.
If you are looking for support with navigating your healing from narcissistic abuse, or know someone who is experiencing a similar situation, reach out for support. Help is always available. Mallery has extensive knowledge in working with survivors of Intimate Partner Violence including Narcissistic Abuse. To contact her, email Mallery@serenityandsoulhealingtherapy.com or head to our website www.serenityandsoulhealing.com to book an appointment.
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