Narcissistic Abuse & The Love Bombing: A Survivor’s Experience
Love Bombing and Red Flags: A Survivor’s Firsthand Experience
Experiencing love bombing can often be difficult to spot. Initially it feels like love on steroids with is part of the tactic that narcissists often use in the beginning of relationships.
Here’s one survivors brief story on her experience with narcissistic abuse and love bombing to help shed some knowledge about the warning signs to look for in the beginning of a relationship:
It of course started out as a fairytale… or so to speak. It was textbook narcissist.. only at the time, I didn’t even really know what a narcissist was. He definitely hit all those red flags which of course I didn’t see only until the end. Even then, from the very first date, I felt something in my gut and knew that he was “quite the charmer”. In fact, I remember thinking to myself that he was very “smooth”, but I didn’t pay attention to my gut instinct… something about this was already a bad idea. He was calculated right from the very beginning. The first time we met was perhaps a bit of an accident, or more of the right place and the right time… the rest of the times after… those were all calculated. Like I said, what seemed like “random” run ins, the coffees I would walk into at work, the cute notes, the cute texts…. popping up “randomly” throughout my day… I thought initially it was a bit much… but then again, I had never been shown anything “nice” before. I had never treated this well. We even had our own “inside” thing for when we weren’t able to physically communicate with each other: three squeezes for “I love you”, sometimes four squeezes. They were the small gestures, the small things, and I always thought it was about the small things in life that mattered. He was quick to “announce” our relationship he quickly wanted to be one big happy family. What I didn’t realize, was how much he paid attention to the small details. It seemed like every time I spoke or shared something, he would listen so attentively, almost like he was studying and analyzing me which now I know, was exactly what he was doing. How the gestures weren’t genuine, from a place of real love… but rather love bombing…. Only I never knew this was love bombing until after I started piecing things together… when it was already too late. My family thought he was the amazing and wonderful person that I had explained him to be, the man that was absolutely perfect for me… they saw it with their own eyes. I think they finally thought that I had finally met someone who was going to be the person I needed, the person I was looking for… the person I deserved… the person who was actually going to be good to me….. they also thought wrong… and they too, just like me… were fooled.
Here were the love bombing tactics that he used strategically that I initially thought was love but later found out was in fact love bombing; one of the famous strategies of narcissists:
over the top helpful with all the things.
constant , never ending & immediate texting (all hours of the day & night).
“randomly” showing up with coffee- somehow knew my exact coffee order (he learned this from his over attentive listening.
constant compliments & flattery.
showering me with gifts (big and small); He always somehow knew the things that I liked and paid attention to the small comments I made about liking something if we were out & about.
constant affection.
stating he’s never felt a “connection” with anyone else like this before.
comments of “ this feels like fate” and “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before” and calling me his “soul mate” and his “forever love” and his “last love”
quick to tell everyone about you, almost like “claiming” you.
quick to introduce you to family and children and a rush to make things into “one big happy blended family”.
wants everyone to know you are “taken” and are “his” and excited to show you off.
will often call all of their ex’s “crazy” and identify them as being the problem in past relationships.
If you are like me, I never knew any of these things were characteristics of love bombing or were the red flags that I was too quick to ignore. In the beginning, I felt like I was on cloud nine. I finally felt like I had met the man of my dreams and that all the hardships and past difficult relationships were finally worth it. Now, with perspective, I have the insight that these tactics and strategies were moves that he had calculated right from the very beginning. He not only me fooled but along with everyone else around me including friends, family and many outsiders, because narcissists are THAT skilled. But this “dream man” almost cost me my life. It’s easy to get caught up in all the butterflies, but deep down in my gut, it’s like I knew this was too good to be true. My gut was telling me something was off. A major part of me also wished I had done my own “research” about this man and picked up on the few things that I was quick to disregard. This unfortunately has been one of my biggest and hardest life lessons, but it’s one now where I can share my hardest lesson with others and help raise awareness of narcissistic abuse and try to advocate and educate others and advocate for survivors.
Note: This story is written by a survivor who was willing to share her story and has become a strong social advocate in calling for change to our justice system with intimate partner violence as Saskatchewan has one of the highest rates of intimate partner violence.
If you are also looking for a resource to learn more about a survivor’s personal experience with narcissistic abuse, read Learn Grow Go: An Account of Narcissistic Abuse and the Road Out by Mrs.O.Boy
If you are looking for support with navigating your healing from narcissistic abuse, or know someone who is experiencing a similar situation, reach out for support. Help is always available. Mallery has extensive knowledge in working with survivors of Intimate Partner Violence including Narcissistic Abuse. To contact her, email Mallery@serenityandsoulhealingtherapy.com or head to our website www.serenityandsoulhealing.com to book an appointment.
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