Narcissistic Abuse: From Family Relationships to Romantic Partners

Narcissistic Abuse: From Family Relationships to Romantic Partners

Did you know that if you were exposed to some form of narcissistic abuse growing up, either a narcissistic parent or a narcissistic sibling, that this may place you at a higher risk for getting into a romantic relationship with a narcissist? 

If you have ever had to grow up in any sort of narcissistic environment, this often leaves deep wounds and permanent scars and can shape your relationships that you have in the future.

How does this work? Because growing up in a  narcissistic environment usually is the pre curser to struggles with low self esteem, low self worth which is the primer and sets the stage for often accepting the bare minimum and for being an easy target for the romantic narcissist. Because the romantic narcissist is able to see that deep inner wound from when you were a child, and somehow has that e-ray vision and can see right through you, & this then sets their stage for their playbook. They know that to "hook" you, they need to make you feel seen, heard, validated, and make you feel like you matter and you fall for this because you likely have never experienced this before, and well, why would you, because growing up in a home that had narcissists, they essentially do the opposite. You feel as though you are never enough, like your needs don't matter, like you can never do anything right and would sometimes try to do anything but create attention. Because you were so used to blending into the wall, feeling as though you & your needs never mattered, when someone finally "recognizes" you, this is probably the best feeling in the world. 

The biggest challenge is that by the time we get into a romantic relationship with a narcissist and are put through the ringer, it's only once the aftermath has occurred that we sometimes start to recognize where and when these behaviours and these patterns have been experienced before. They unfortunately are not new and are unfortunately familiar to us.... from childhood. Often times, it's the male who is the narcissist within the family relationship, either the father or the brother. Why? Because males tend to have higher rates of being narcissists. Insert the narcissistic brother here: often the one with the charisma, the loudest, the one to always likes to give their opinions and push onto others that their "knowledge" is best. They create this dynamic where other family members start to fuel and feed their ego even more, often validating them and praising them. What they love to do, is highlight the flaws in everyone else, pit others against each other, and gets satisfaction from "stirring the pot" on purpose. They often lack accountability, insight or awareness and is quick to dismiss their hurtful actions. Apology... they have never even heard of the word. 

How this experience in your family leads to the cycle of trauma and likelihood of encountering a romantic relationship with another narcissist:

• you struggle with safe and secure attachment or developing healthy attachment in relationships.

• you often are the biggest gaslighter of yourself, often second guessing yourself, not trusting your gut and quick to dismiss it.

• often internalize and self blame, assuming blame and responsibility even when it's not your fault because you were taught from a very young age that you were often the "problem child" which is carried forward into adulthood, you are still often seen as the one with "all the problems" and everything being a "you" problem. 

•  because we have never  know what it feels like to be validated, we often seek out validation from others, often striving with so much energy to "prove" our worth, to prove that we seek validation and it becomes our primary drive. If someone validates us, then that is the best feeling in the world, however this "validation" is often fake, manipulated and carefully orchestrated by the narcissist. We often try to seek validation from the ones who are the hardest to please... 

• we often become people pleasers because we were taught not to argue, challenge or question the narcissist... so we just simply go along with things even though we know it's not right, it's potentially harmful to us, or not what we want or agree with... because we don't want to make any waves or rock the boat..... we just continue to blend into the wall... continue to be that grey rock...  never seen and never heard. 

• lack of boundaries: because we were never allowed to have boundaries or because if we ever did, our boundaries were not respected, and since we often lack boundaries, this is what makes us so appealing to the romantic narcissist. 

• because we accept the bare minimum because we struggle with self worth and self confidence and narcissists love this. 

Interested in learning more about narcissistic abuse, narcissistic relationship including both family and romantic or healing from narcissistic abuse? Check out our other blogs and our Instagram @healing_with_mallery. Interested in learning more including healing and recovering from narcissistic abuse, book your session now or contact Mallery@serenityandsoulhealing.com

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