Triggers & Healing During the Holiday Season
December, often the most joyful time of the year filled with Christmas and holiday gatherings, get togethers and time shared with friends and loved ones. However, it is also important to remember that the month of December is not always the most joyful time of the year for some. December can sometimes be one of the hardest months filled with financial hardship, increased stressors, increased struggles with mental health, loneliness and can bring about triggers especially for those who have experienced trauma such as abuse or intimate partner violence including narcissistic abuse. Sometimes the holidays are a painful reminder of the good times but are also filled with reminders and triggers of the trauma that one has endured, especially with narcissistic and abusive partners. You may find that the month of December may bring about more triggers then normally experienced and this is your reminder that it is okay if you don’t feel like celebrating the most joyful time of the season. This is also a reminder that YOU can decide what the month of December looks like for YOU and YOU get to decide what you do or don’t want to do during the holiday season. So here are a few helpful suggestions to help cope with triggers during the holiday season:
Coping with Triggers While You are Healing:
Initially when you start healing, you are fielding triggers that hit you left, right and centre, but over time as your healing starts to progress, you become better at identifying triggers and coping with them. They don’t take as much “hold” of you as they initially did
This is a sign that shows you are healing, learning to “ride the wave” better and field the triggers without sending you completely into a downward spiral
This is all good news and is an indicator that you are well on your way in your healing journey.
In your healing and recovery journey in the early stages, you learn to identify what your triggers are so that you can know how to prepare for them when you experience them. You also start to become more aware of the bodily sensations and feelings that are accompanied by a trigger and are able to get to the deep root and cause of the trigger.. often something associated with some form or sort of trauma or from the recent related painful situation.
But what happens when you have made some good time and distance with your healing journey and you experience a trigger out of nowhere? It can and sometimes does, take you by surprise and can leave you feeling breathless or can feel like you were hit out of left field. Sometimes these triggers can feel more intense then the ones in the initial stages of healing because these ones, you’re not expecting them. They take you completely by surprise. It make take a moment or two, or even several to recognize what it is your are feeling and take time to process that you have indeed been hit by an unexpected trigger.
What to do if this happens?
First, take a deep breath, this is completely normal and doesn’t mean that you aren’t “healed”; healing is a lifelong and daily journey filled with a lot of ups and downs and is about learning to navigate those unexpected sharp corners. By taking a deep breath, this sends a signal to your brain that your nervous system needs to regulate and get you out of “fight or flight” mode so that you can be present in your surroundings and can begin to process what you are experiencing.
Second, orientate yourself to your surroundings; use the 5 senses grounding strategies to help bring your body back to a calm safe state of being.
Third, allow yourself to feel ALL the feelings. Just like in the beginning stages of healings, it’s important to both acknowledge and recognize what you are feeling and what you are noticing in your body. Get comfortable with noticing how your body feels; this means that you are truly in touch with all of your and your body as a whole
Fourth, have time to process the trigger. If you make peace with it, triggers can sometimes show us what we need to know or be aware of instead of shoving them under the rug because they are just too uncomfortable or painful to deal with or serve as painful reminders of the past. Sometimes these triggers can be a link to our “gut or inner knowingness” and is trying to tell us we need to pay attention to something about our safety, or is trying to make us aware of something, but sometimes, a trigger is just that; a painful reminder of our past and a painful reminder of our experiences that are very much a part of us, and sometimes, underneath this trigger, can be grief. Grief is a normal part of loss. Usually when we experiencing trauma or painful experiences or situations, there is some sort or form of loss and grief. We have lost a part of us, we have lost some sense of hope, we have lost something that we thought we may have thought was going to serve a permanent spot in our life, so we need to not only acknowledge this grief and sense of loss, mourn it again, and then let it go. It’s sometimes not until we acknowledge the loss for what it is, that we can truly process it and peacefully let it go and float away again untl the next one happens. Grief, is something we also never stop processing much like triggers. Grief, often shows up unexpectedly and comes and goes when we are likely not paying attention to it. But like triggers, grief is also a process and is also very present in our ongoing healing journey.
So a helpful reminder the next time we are unexpectedly greeted by triggers or grief, simply acknowledge them, get aquatinted, make peace it with, process it, and then let it go. You are still very much making progress on your healing journey, but sometimes we also need helpful reminders to serve as reminders of the progress we have truly made, but also of the things that are still close to our heart whether we want them there or not.
If you are looking for support as you navigate the month of December, know that help is always available. For counselling and support, contact Mallery@Serenityandsoulhealing.com or visit www.serenityandsoulhealing.com for more helpful info or to learn about the services offered.
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