When the Justice System Gaslights Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse
Having to say, even verbalize that you are a survivor of domestic violence and narcissistic, is difficult, but having to fight to be seen and recognized as a survivor of domestic violence, especially to our justice system, is unfathomable, uncomprehendable, unimaginable and appalling.
Did you know that the justice system, the ones who are supposed to protect survivors of intimate partner violence and narcissistic abuse, often gaslights survivors of narcissistic abuse. Our justice system fails survivors in the following ways:
discredits or minimizes the survivors experiences.
often focuses on the narcissistic abusers charm or reputation especially if the abuser is a valued and liked community member.
often ignores or down plays the evidence of abuse.
often fails to hold the abuser accountable.
These tactics can lead to further trauma, frustration and feelings of powerlessness for survivors of narcissistic abuse. We often have this belief that our justice system and police will uphold justice and will hold the abuser accountable for their actions, only for survivors to be met with gaslighting from the ones who are supposed to keep us safe. This is why survivors of narcissistic abuse need to speak up and share their voice and share their stories so that both the abuser and our justice system can be held accountable.
Did you also know that our police and justice system are not trauma informed and do not practice from a trauma informed lens? These “systems” and “authorities” make it almost nearly impossible for survivors of narcissistic abuse to hold their abusers accountable. Our justice system is controlled and manipulated by our policing systems and don’t make things easy on the survivor. It is often the survivor who is put through the “ringer” and having to retell their story over and over again only causing further traumatization to the point that many survivors often just give up hope or worse, continue to remain silent about their abuse.
So here are a few helpful tips if you are wanting to speak up and unsilenced your voice and speak up against narcissistic abuse:
Document: Make sure you document EVERYTHING! Dates, times, witnesses. You may never know when your notes may come in handy. Every little detail counts.
Speak with a trusted friend or family member: Make sure you are confiding in someone you trust who can keep things confidential and can also support you and check in on you. Having a trusted support is helpful and helps to keep you grounded and your thoughts clear.
Consult with a lawyer: Having a good lawyer or even consulting with a good criminal and family lawyer is beneficial. They can help provide you with information on what your options are and how to navigate the system and what your rights are. Having extensive knowledge about the legal system and how to navigate our flawed criminal and legal system is helpful.
Get knowledgeable about narcissistic abuse: Reading and being educated on narcissistic abuse and recovery is important and can help bring some perspective and clarity to what you are experiencing.
Get connected with other community supports such as intimate partner violence groups or local agency in both Regina & Saskatoon, the Domestic Violence Unit through Family Services is a great support and resource and can also help you navigate the justice system. They can also attend with you to the police station when you make your report.
Never attend the police station alone! Always have someone go with you as a witness because the police are NOT always helpful and this can also be traumatizing for survivors as they do not operate from a trauma informed perspective or approach. Police are often reluctant to do anything especially when it comes to narcissistic abuse but you can always request to at least write a statement to have on file. The more documented evidence on file, the better. This is also your right to have it documented with the police! Familiarize yourself with the laws and the justice system so that you know how to fight and advocate for yourself.
Get connected to a counsellor or some form of therapy. Having a counsellor or therapist who is trained in both narcissistic abuse, policing and the justice system and is also trauma informed is important. They can help you navigate the system & barriers and also provide you support through this entire process and your healing journey.
Trying to navigate seeking justice against narcissistic abuse is challenging and can be draining, but know that you are not alone in the pursuit of justice. This can be challenging in that there are numerous obstacles and barriers and can be extremely oppressive to survivors, but it can also be rewarding in the sense that you are speaking your voice and your voice matters! Your story MATTERS! On the difficult days, remind yourself that not only is it important for your voice to be heard, but you are standing up for all survivors of narcissistic abuse and justice is not only about holding abusers accountable but it is also about validation and closure and can help you in your healing journey.
Mallery has extensive knowledge in narcissistic abuse and intimate partner violence and works with survivors of narcissistic abuse. She also has extensive training and knowledge in the justice system. For more info on healing from narcissistic abuse and recovery or to book a counselling session, contact Mallery directly at Mallery@serenityandsoulhealing.com or by visiting our website www.serenityandsoulhealing.com
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